Living a lie ?

This morning I read in 1 John 2: 3-6 "We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."

I was struck by this especially because recently, I was having a conversation with a woman about a particular issue she was facing in her life and then I began asking questions like: "how is your time with the Lord?", "Are you praying for this situation?", "Do you have faith that God can change this?"...etc
No matter what question I asked, there was an excuse- quite valid excuses- to her. The more I tried to help her find solutions to some of these roadblocks of time with her Savior, the more complicated the excuses became. I finally walked away from that exhausting conversation thinking to myself, "She doesn't want to change! She just wanted a sympathetic ear and for someone to tell her to keep on sinning- God will overlook it!"
I can't stop at that story, because John wrote this for us all. What excuses do I make for not obeying God?  I took out my journal and wrote: " What is my lie?" John said that if we do not do what God commands, he is a liar. So, again, what is my lie?
I could write out a list of areas I need to grow in, and I did, but in taking a deep look into my heart the one thing I am going to focus on is my discipline in patience. I get impatient with people and my kids too quickly. I am going to add that to what Elizabeth George calls a "fat file". That means I am going to begin a study on that subject until I become an expert on it. So, here I go and I hope you will do the same to your "lie".

A Wise Mother

Prov 20:5 "The purpose of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out"

One of my favorite books is Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. Plenty of times in the novel I am given little glimpses of a wise and understanding Mother. In one chapter Meg, the eldest, is away at a friends home for a month. When she returns she humbly confesses to Marmee all of her many "sins" while she was away; of how the rich benefactors took her shabby clothes and primped her and dolled her up until she no longer looked like Humble Meg anymore. She told every little detail at the lap of her beloved Marmee who wisely guided her toward repentance. What a wise Mother to be able to gently probe her daughters heart and then have such an influence as to have her daughters affections and desires to want to share their heart to such as her!

If we are truly to enjoy our children when they are older, we must be wise to train them. Training in godliness goes hand in hand with enjoyment. Wisely teaching our children to think like Christians not to just act like Christians is key! Drawing out the heart of our children is a skill requiring much grace, much patience, and much wisdom, mothers. Let's draw on the Savior's grace and his tender Mercy to learn to be a wise mother daily. Look to the cross first, repent of any unbelief and then cry out for God's grace- he will give it.

Loving my Children Part 2

"Stop it Audrey!"

"Laura, stop pestering your brother!"

"Please don't whine, Timmy."

The list goes on and on. My days can be filled with the constant round of "Stops and Don't-do's" and what ends up happening is that I quite often feel like I just want to crawl to the quietest corner of my room and bury myself in a book. That is a temptation unique to me but every mother has her own temptation and story unique to them. In her message "Loving my Children" Carolyn Mahaney teaches us that to love our children, we must understand what the word "Love" means as it is translated in Greek. She shows us that the word in that passage of Titus 2 means the same as it does for loving our husbands -Phileo. A tender, affectionate love. We are so good at cleaning up messes, wiping noses, buying them toys and clothes and preparing meals, but are we truly loving our children with an affectionate and tender love?

When those rough days hit, or your child has been doing whatever it is your child is best known for, are you taking time every day to truly enjoy your children?

Take time today to reflect on that day she/he was placed in your arms the very first time. Then take a good look at your child and enjoy them today. Take time to journal what is in your heart and then take the next step and tell them how much you enjoy them.

I like to tell my kids at the end of a day, no matter how rough it has been, "How is it, that out of all the little Boys/girls in the world, God gave me his very best?", or I'll often stop to say, "I am so thankful that I am your Mom! I love being your Mom! Do you know how pleased I am with you?" And I will go on to list the ways my children please me. This sometimes take effort especially if it has been a trying day, but it is time well spent; for the fruits of encouragement are plentiful!

Loving my Children

This month I wanted to focus on Mothering. Our next Titus 2 (Destiny Women in SA- my home church) we will be listening to a message entitled Loving my Children- wisdom from Titus 2.

Being a mother is the most important task God has called women to next to our walk with God and our relationships with our husbands. Being a Mother is wonderful, life-changing, humbling, and often thankless job isn't it? And that is just day one!

Think about this: The God of this Universe handpicked your children and gave them to you to raise. Isn't that amazing? Whether you have biological children or adopted, God chose those kids for you. And he chose you to be their mother. What a wonderful Creator you serve; to give you children and then enable you to raise them. Now, that does not mean you come home with the "how to raise kids" training manual. On the contrary, it takes hours on you knees, before the cross, and undoubtedly, many mistakes and tears along the way, but one thing you can rely on is that you are not alone. God has equipped you with everything you need for the task of Mothering. He has given you grace, a church in which to plug yourself into, godly friends to confide in and who will lovingly challenge you to grow, and the last two most important tools, your husband to glean from and the Holy Spirit. The last being the most important factor in parenting. We do not have to doubt God's goodness, he is an unchangeable God who is all loving and all knowing. He knew what he was doing when he made you a mother.

As I spearhead our discussion on Mothering, I just want to leave you with this thought, Why raise children at all? or I can also word it this way, What is your ultimate goal for your kids when your child is walking across the stage or the isle? Think about it.

Now, let's ask what is God's ultimate goal for your kids? We can find the answer in scripture but simplified with this (from the Westminster catechism): What is the Chief end of Man? It is to glorify god and enjoy him for ever. The chief end of your child's life is that they were created to glorify God and to enjoy him for ever! We were made specifically with that thought on God's mind when he tailor made you and your children. You were made to raise kids to glorify God not man. Do not let this thought daunt you. Go to the cross, daily. On our own, we are unable to carry out this task, but by God's grace we can raise children who will grow up to "enjoy God forever!"

Watch your tongue!

I loved this picture because sometimes, after I leave a conversation, I think to myself, "Did I say that? That came out of my mouth?... now I need to ask for forgiveness!" If I walked around with a blanket over my head, some of the trouble would be taken care of for me, I couldn't see who I offended, and she couldn't see me- problem solved! Not so, right? Too often, I leave many conversations regretting my speech. I walk away only to wish I could take back my words and repair the damage I caused an unknowing victim by my lack of self- control. Our tongues are vicious things, are they not?

Then again, King Solomon advised this about the tongue, "a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." A word, wisely spoken is a good thing! They are like perfume or like a soothing balm. A kindhearted and considerate woman can calm a storm, can she not?

In the book, Beautiful Girlhood, the author says this, "And such words (kind words) are not hard to give if the heart is in the right attitude. When one can feel and appreciate the joys and sorrows of others, the kind words will come naturally." The Psalmist said, "May the word of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight...". To speak kindness first begins by thinking kind thoughts, by feeling kind things toward our neighbors and acting upon it. Kindness does not begin and end by thinking up a kind thing to do to somebody in need, it means we must actually do the thing we set our mind on! Kindness is a habit. The bad habit of gossip and unkindness are the fruit of selfishness and pride. To form habits of kindness, we must first put sin to death in our lives; crucify our fleshly desires of desiring the hearer to like us, of feeding our hearers with unkind words against a third party (not present) in order to damage their reputation (little thinking that if someone spoke that way about you- the damage it would cause you). It begins with repenting and then thanking the Lord for his grace in revealing our weakness to us and then relying on his Grace to give us the wisdom and strength to put that smallest and most damaging thing , the tongue, under control. If "even a child is known by his deeds", then so much more so a woman who speaks with kindness or one who is constantly speaking much damage!

I too often find myself the latter and then don't know how to begin in picking up the pieces of my slander, but I do know that God's grace abounds and all I need to do is repent and cry out for forgiveness and trust in his unfailing grace the next time I need to open my mouth. And the most encouraging part is that, the practice begins at home... with my children and husband. When I can first speak kindness to them then I am ready to speak kindness to those the Lord places in my life as neighbors.

Biblical Womanhood (and other stuff)

Here is another older post, I apologize for not keeping up with things for two weeks or so, I have been busy setting up our new school year and getting started. This is day two and it has been wonderful! Check out the link to Ambleside Online for those of you interested in a Charlotte Mason education. This is the best (in my biased opinion) schooling I have found for my family. I hope to get started on my writing again soon. BTW: If you haven't already done so, don't forget to order our new book for our next Titus 2 get-together: Biblical Womanhood in the Home edited by Nancy Leigh de Moss.

There is free online book here: http://www.cbmw.org/Biblical-Womanhood-in-the-Home/

If you would like to only read one chapter, read it and come ready to share what the Lord is doing in your life because of what you read and applied. check out my Upcoming Events for more date info. Email me at althevaos@yahoo.com for more information if you are a newbie and would like to join us!

Titus 2:3-5 says, “ …teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, that no one will malign the word of God.”

In her book, girl talk, Carolyn Mahaney says, “Biblical womanhood, simply defined, is God’s perfect design for women as revealed in the Bible. Much more than a script, it’s a way of life.”
Although I am considered a “younger woman” in light of this scripture (Titus 2), Mrs. Mahaney informs me “ we must understand our responsibility to pass on this language (language of biblical womanhood) from mother to daughter. For while God clearly calls all older women to school the younger women in the art of biblical womanhood, one of the most important teacher- student relationships is between a mother and her daughter…this is our mission.”
Wow! What an exciting task! Although I am still seeking to learn from older women in my task of caring for my family, I am clearly not “off the hook” for setting the stage for my daughters. I am called to be an example to them as well as teach them in the way they are to go.
How, you might ask yourselves, do I do this when I am constantly at war with my daughter? Or you might wonder how to start when you never experienced this type of relationship first hand. Let me encourage you to first go to the Cross. This is where it always begins. And then roll up those sleeves and dive in!
Let me paint a picture from my life. Ever since I became a mother I have had a passion to love my daughters with all my being. That is not so unusual, right? I decided to be the most loving, the most giving, and the most patient mother in the history of motherhood- now you are chuckling, if you have children.
Like many of you, this is my life recipe; Toss together a mom who thought she had it all together, add an extremely loud, and strong child who could bring me to tears with a single mealtime, bath time, or bedtime. Then, add another mild, yet surprisingly stubborn girl and a little boy who just loves being a boy, and what do you get? Sinful responses from Mom- lot’s of them! By this point, I am sometimes tempted to wonder what God was thinking?
I must look no further for my answer, than my bible. Psalm 139:16 reassures me with this: “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” God made my children for me! Quoting Mrs. Mahaney once again she creatively states, “ He has created your mother- daughter relationship. He doesn’t just put mothers and daughters together like a guy in a deli slapping meat and cheese on bread. God has placed us in the exact mother- daughter relationship that he desired.”
So, I began by thanking the Lord for my children. And then I began to look in the mirror, so to speak. I had to first acknowledge my own sinful tendencies, and simply not give into them! This alone is not as simple as I just stated, but in light of scripture, it is as simple as stopping and asking the Lord for his grace when I am tempted to sin, and then repent when I have sinned against my children.
And then the work begins. It is not an easy task to conquer feelings of defeat or tackling disrespect and bad attitudes from our children. Some times it might be easier to ignore them or to just let “kids be kids” as we often hear the world say. But this is not the case for Christians who have a higher calling!
The next step was to talk to my daughters. This is not too difficult now with a four and seven year old who LOVE to talk, but I try not to make talking just about anything. I try to stimulate deep conversations about God, and godly character, and even identifying when I am wrong and showing them how I am sinful, and how I repented, and how Christ forgave me. This paints a picture for them to see and then emulate.
In the upcoming posts I will continue to delve further into this mother- daughter relationship and the steps I am taking to establish biblical conversations in my home. Come along and try it for yourself- the rewards you reap will far outweigh the sacrifice!

Sarah

I Peter 3:5-6... " For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."

In our 3rd Book Club get together this last week, some ladies and myself read through John MaCarthur's book Twelve Extraordinary Women. We read and discussed some of the most amazing women in Christian History. Eve: the Mother of all living, Sarah: a woman who hoped, Rahab: a loyal and love filled woman, Hannah: a portrait of Feminine Grace, Mary: Blessed among women, Anna: the faithful witness, The Samaritan Woman: found the water of life, Martha and Mary: Working and Worshiping, Mary Magdalene:Delivered from darkness, Lydia: a hospitable heart opened. 

These long- deceased, biblical women led us into a long discussion in which each of us were able to identify with in the variety of seasons we are facing today. We found a common thread throughout each biblical character though, it was that each woman was a sinful being who was transformed because of her faith into a virtuous and esteemed woman. 

For myself, I was most moved by Sarah's account. Mr. MaCarthur, in the opening chapter described Sarah this way:

"Let's be honest: there are times in the biblical account when Sarah comes off as a bit of a shrew. She was the wife of the great patriarch Abraham, so we tend to think of her with a degree of dignity and honor. But reading the biblical account of her life, it is impossible not to notice that she sometimes behaved badly. She could throw fits and tantrums. She knew how to be manipulative. And she was even known to get mean. At one time or another, she exemplified almost every trait associated with the typical caricature of a churlish woman. She could be impatient, temperamental, conniving, cantankerous, cruel, flighty, pouty, jealous, erratic, unreasonable, a whiner, a complainer, or a nag. By no means was she always the perfect model of godly grace and meekness."

Now, to be honest, I can certainly identify with this picture much more than the meek and grace-filled woman we are encouraged in scripture to be! There have been times in my life where like Sarah, when she handed her maidservant, Hagar, to Abraham and took matters into her own hands I too found ways of taking matters into my own hands. Now, I would NEVER hand any woman to my husband for any reason whatsoever, (that would bring out the mean side of me to be sure!) I can identify with her manipulation when I  want something we really can't afford, or spend the money and then back track when I'm found out, or how about when my husband asks me to do something to help him and I give him a nasty attitude, or how about when he points out an area I am overlooking in training my children (like not eating food on the sofa or in the car) and I snap back at him? These attitudes are certainly areas which cannot be considered grace- filled and meek and I have certainly been tempted to get discouraged at myself because what comes out of my mouth, alone. Yet, Looking at Sarah's journey does present a considerable amount of hope for my sinful heart; She set her hope on the promise God had made to her and never gave up that hope. She trusted for many, many years before she saw her promise fulfilled and those years of faithful waiting, trusting, hoping, were used by the Lord to transform this "prima donna" into a woman we are encouraged to become (1 Peter 3:6)! Mr. MaCarthur points out:

Far from isolating those memorable instances where Sarah behaved badly, it (scripture) commemorates her as the very epitome of a woman adorned with 'the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit'" I Pet 3:4

So, what is your story? Are you a single woman who desires to get married and have begun to lose hope? Are you, like myself, wanting for a home and don't know if you can ever afford one? Are you desiring children, and haven't been able to conceive? What about your character? Do you have problems with relationships? Do you guard your tongue? Do you get angry often and have problems submitting to those the Lord has placed you under as a subordinate? There are so many stories of hope and of struggle, but the one promise to hold on to is that Christ, in his ultimate plan for you desires that you become a meek and grace-filled woman through your hope and struggle! Look to the cross and do not loose your faith in your Savior or in his plan for you and remember that those times of humbly submitting to the Lord is transforming you into the beautiful creation He is so pleased with.

A Woman's Extraordinary Value

1 Peter 3:3-4

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in god's eyes."

For the following couple of posts, I want to highlight a Woman's Value. So many scripture verses are dedicated to God's idea of what womanhood should look like. I am so amazed at the value scripture places on women. Proverbs 31, Titus 2, I Peter 3:3 and many more tell us of God's design for the role women play in the world and in the lives of those he has placed in our lives; whether we are single, married, mothers or if we are childless. 

In a world where society has taken womanhood and stripped all biblical value from it and then taken it and tattooed it with it's own ideals, it is no wonder that we women are confused about what God has to say about us and whether or not we feel scripture identifies with us or belittles us. Based on scripture, the thing we can be certain of is this: The Lord highly esteems and values women. 

 In his book Twelve Extraordinary Women, John MaCarthur  points out:

"women in pagan societies during biblical times 

were often treated with little more dignity than animals.

Some of the best-known Greek philosophers-considered the brightest minds in their era- taught that women are inferior creatures by nature. Even in the Roman Empire... women were usually regarded as mere chattel-personal possessions of their husbands or fathers, with hardly any better standing than household slaves....

Christian women who converted out of pagan society were 

automatically freed from a host of demanding practices... they rose to prominence in home and church, where they were honored and admired for feminine virtues like hospitality, ministry to the sick, the care and nurture of their own families, and the loving labor of their hands (Acts 9:39)

I wanted to highlight our roles through a few key books, scriptures and examples from my own life (yes, exciting I know...**sniff.) and other women who will allow me to share through their examples. But mainly, as Mr. MaCarthur points out: "We need to go back to Scripture to see what God's ideal for a woman really is." 

I, for one desire to learn as much as possible because I know how easy it is to allow the mindset of my sinful nature and of this world to pollute my thinking. I can tell this when I get short and snappy with my kids and husband. In fact, ( I will regret sharing this story later) recently, actually it is an every-night-occurrence, my hard working husband was home from a long day and asked if I could please make him his favorite tea. I know how he likes it because I make it EVERY night. I boil the water just right, place the camomile tea bag inside, steep just long enough, add the perfect blend of honey and lemon, and he enjoys. Usually, not always, granted... but usually, I make it and cheerfully give it to him with a June Cleaver kiss and a "enjoy it dear" remark and its done! With a happily loved husband enjoying his tea. 

When I know my sin is at work within me, this is my response to him after being asked for tea: "You should be making my tea after all I have been doing for you! But, being the helpful wife that I am, I will get it!"... throw in a few banging cabinets and too much honey or not enough lemon- just to rub it in... and a few daydreams of pouring his tea down his shirt front and adding the honey and lemon to top it off- 

Yea... not a great example of submission, is it? Thankfully, I have never poured tea down my husbands shirt front, but after reading this, he might think twice next time he asks for tea (don't worry honey, I do love serving you your tea).  

What I wish to communicate, is this: although our sinful nature is constantly at war within us, God's grace is so much more sufficient. We can glean from the examples of women gone before us and from godly women around us... and hopefully not learn by my bad example! 

What is your struggle? How are you learning to grow as a woman; in the roles you have been placed in? What is your idea of what God thinks of you? In the next few posts, Let's look to scripture for our answers...