Pray for your Husband- Day 1

A dear woman who used to be my Youth Pastors wife (when I was in youth group in El Paso)and who is now the Senior Pastor's Wife of a church called Vista New Life in El Paso, TX (Thanks Lisa!) is encouraging all the women of her church to begin a 31 day "Pray for your Husband" challenge. - Well, not really a challenge- but an encouragement.
I've begun praying, and I would like to encourage you to join me.

Day 1.
Pray: That your husband will grow spiritually and consider his accountablility before the Lord. Pray that he will guard his heart by developing spiritual disciplines-Bible reading and study, prayer, meditation, etc. (2 Pet. 3:18; Prov. 4:23)

Trust God through prayer as you daily surrender your husband and marriage to the Lord's wise, loving care.

Cherish Him

Imagine this:

A new bride is in her new home, preparing it for her husband's return from his job. She has never before prepared a meal, but she takes out the one recipe book she received on her wedding day and flips through. She chooses the dish with the ingredients on hand. The meal is prepared and ready to go, in the meantime the bride freshens up. After all, she must look lovely for him and receive all the hugs and kisses and attention she desires! Husband comes in the door, drops his bag on the floor beside the sofa and takes off his shoes in the same spot... and his socks. The wife smiles and invites the husband to come have a seat at the prepared kitchen table, but husband is already on the sofa with the remote control in his hands. She shrugs and serves him a plate and sets it on the table. She asks for him to come join her again, but this time, he is snoring. Repeat this scenario 20-30 times, and what do you get? A very unhappy bride!

Everybody has their own stories of married life. And every scenario differs, but the reality is, when you place two people together, there will always be problems. My plan is to draw attention to one response we women must allow ourselves to grow in through marriage: our husband's helper through a gentle and quiet spirit.

How did you feel for that poor bride? How did you feel about that husband? Well, let me share some very wise advice from Lars Gren, Elizabeth Elliott's Husband had to say about little faults such as this:

“A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.”

Does that change your perspective? Our roles as wives are to cherish our husbands, to help them and to encourage them. I would urge you to; despite what your marriage may look like, to do your part in remembering that no matter what the other person may say or do, your sin before God is far greater! That should help our hearts be more humble- humble enough to cherish our husbands.

Now imagine that same wife (in the beginning of the story), instead of crying, instead of throwing a fit, instead of demanding her way, she serves her husbands plate and takes it to him and enjoys dinner with him watching a show on TV. They might cuddle on the sofa together as they both take a nap together, happily enjoying each others company. What a different response! Sometimes being a helper to our husbands requires us to be quiet; to exercise a "gentle and quiet spirit" (1Peter 3) in order to allow our husbands to lovingly pour out their hearts to us. It sometimes requires to find ways of helping him take a lead in our lives, even though they may not like to lead. It requires us to quietly submit to their decisions without arguing and fighting even though we think they are wrong (as long as it is a God- honoring decision- not sinful!)

Let me share one more quote with you for now:

"On her golden wedding anniversary, my grandmother revealed the secret of her long and happy marriage. 'On my wedding day, I decided to choose ten of my husband's faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook,' she explained. A guest asked her to name some of the faults. 'To tell the truth,' she replied, 'I never did get around to listing them. But whenever my husband did something that made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, 'Lucky for him that's one of the ten.'" Roderick McFarlane, in Reader's Digest, December, 1992.

“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11

Submit to You?

Not too long ago, my husband and I were at a restaurant with a group of friends. We were packed into a tight space as we began to look over our menus. My husband and I had anticipated beforehand how expensive the restaurant was, so we had decided to share a plate, which for us, was sufficient, even if we could afford to go all out and order everything, we would still have shared a plate! As we ordered, he asked what looked good, and I said I liked anything- he can choose. He said he would, then. As the waiter approached, my husband ordered his plate. At this point, I began to notice one of the wives seated close beside us observing our interaction. Her face was becoming quite the picture of rebellion and anger. When my husband had ordered his plate and told our waiter that we would be sharing, the wife I had mentioned blurted out behind her menu, "Why Don't you let Anna decide what she wants. It's not all about you!" My husband, in his good humor laughed and made a joke of it, but I could not escape her meaning. She thought he was "ruling" me, and that I should stand up to him. She felt he was controlling me and that he should let me choose. In fact, that wasn't the first time other women have made comments over the interaction they observe between my husband and myself.

The reason I chose to focus on marriage and our (women's) role in marriage during the next couple of posts, is because marriage and our response to our husband's leadership is the foundation for the home and our response sets the stage. It is the stepping stone upon which others may look to and either observe Christ and be moved toward the cross, or they may look at the marriage and be warned.

What is your view on marriage? Is is centered on the gospel- or do threads of feminism run through it? What do you feel when you observe a wife submitting to her husband without complaint? What goes through your mind when your husband may ask something of you which you would rather not do?

When my husband and I first met, I challenged him once with "If we were ever married, would you lead or will I?" He was offended by this at first, but later he understood my meaning. I did not ask this because I wanted to "wear the pants" and he had better submit to me, I asked because I had come to understand something in my young age. I had become aware, through some excellent teaching, the meaning of submission. I wanted to know if he understood it as well.

To back me up, I will pull in scripture. If you were married in a church, you are probably familiar with this one, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of he church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives, should submit to their husbands in everything... and the wife must respect her husband" Eph 5:22-24, 33

You see, the apostle Paul called this sacrificial love and submission a "profound mystery." The mystery of marriage was designed by God in the very beginning of creation. The design of marriage does not promise a perfect unity, of course not. Put two sinful people together and what do you get? Very sinful responses. But does that mean we should fight to get our way? No! Look at the example of the Holy Spirit and how he submits to the Father. Look to the the Son and see how he submits to the Father. In the same way, wives become beautiful as they submit to their husbands! Even in the best scenario, will a wife's cheerful submission guarantee a perfectly loving and sacrificially loving husband? Probably not. But, it does mean we as wives bring glory to the Lord through our gentle and loving responses. In doing so, we silence the ignorant talk of foolish men." I Peter 2:15. God commends submission. It is his pleasure.

The beauty of it is talked about here:" To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you and example, that you should follow in his steps. 'he committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.' When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands..."

I am going to leave you all hanging for a day to let this sink in. The discussion I will continue will be on the beauty of helping our husbands. I hope to draw your gaze to the cross and cause serious thought- biblical thought to the role of submission. I wish to lovingly challenge your thinking. Take a moment- as I often do, when I read thought provoking words, I must stop for a day or two and "chew" on it. I need to chip away at worldly thoughts and allow Gods word to change my heart. Come with me on this journey. Allow yourself to become raw and allow Christ to change you.

I also want to challenge you with this thought as well: how do you speak of your husband to others; how do you perceive and speak of your friends husbands? ( I am growing in this too- I foolishly say and do things which I regret later- but one thing I can rely on is this: God's grace to do better next time.)